I'm Not The Only One

Well,  it feels weird to write about you. I rarely write or talk about friendship or my friends, but I feel like I have to get this out of my heart and my head. Cause It's driving me crazy. I just need to let it all out. You would probably think that this is cheesy.
 I know you and everything else there is to love about you. And I know I'm not the only who does know these things too.

You are my bestfriend, and I'm yours too. I never really felt the feeling of being sad knowing that I share that title with a couple others. It's not easy being your best friend, but it sure is worth it. It's worth it despite the times that I feel unappreciated. It's worth it even if there are moments when I feel like I'm invisible or unnoticed.. (well most of the time) It's worth it because I'm doing this for you.. I'm not gonna lie, it does hurt me a little. 

I know, I know it very well. I'm not your one and only bestfriend. But you're like a sister to me - whatever role you play in other people lives. And they're lucky to have such a good friend like you. They're lucky. and I'm lucky to have someone as wonderful as you in it. 

Okay the thing is, it was never only me..  It was always me and someone else. For once in my life.. I just want to feel like I'm the only one. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm being selfish, but all my life I've been selfless. I grew up sharing everything I have.. you may think I'm childish, or attention seeking. But all I want is to be your friend. Your one and only friend. 

But I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm not the only one.

From Friends To Strangers

While I was grieving, I ruined every friendship that I had. I realized that if I'd have to let my heartaches go then the things or people that I associate with it has to go, too. That's when it became clear to me that I should cut the strings that connected me with them and release into God's hands the people who have hurt me.

I'd really like to be honest to myself, the people who I thought were my good friends have let me down when the time came that I needed them. It also hurt when I was practically screaming to the world that I needed someone's hands and received nothing in return. It was the wrong way to look for comfort, maybe, but I could use any form of comfort. I wasthat miserable. I thought then that I might be nobody to them because they simply didn't care. Those were the dark, terrible days.

I won't deny it. I was angry and I did hurt a lot of people..impulsively shutting my door without thinking things through. I knew then that to walk away from questionable friendship guaranteed some loneliness. But I still chose loneliness knowing I can no longer pretend things are okay. It wasn't the right way, but then maybe there was no right way at all.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry..you and I cannot change what already happened. Nothing can ever bring back anyone I lost. I can only confess, and I hope you would agree, that so many things just went by so wrong and untold. The only advantage we can make use of from the failures of our past is to let them become part of history and move forward.

I have moved forward. With the unconditional love of my family, him, the growing drive for my dreams, and a few close ties near by, and the Lord Himself, I have moved on. I feel like I am myself again at this point of my life. I feel like I'm close enough to the purpose that was really meant for me. I'd like to believe I can manage my pain now. It hits me sometimes, yes. But when I think of it I just tell myself, my Lord will never waste a pain I feel. My sincerest hope is that, all of you find your own light, too, because we'll all encounter a dark space as we journey on in life.

From friends to strangers, let's just let it be. Let's allow scars to heal with time and space where endeavor and words failed to remedy. Let this be my closure.

I'm Sorry I Fell For You.

Maybe one day, I will finally have the courage to finally tell you I'm over you.

Time will come when I can say I've already moved on. These feelings that I have for you will fade. I won't need to cover up the tear stains left on the sleeves of my shirt. There won't be any need to fake my smiles or my laughters. When I look back and reminisce our times together, maybe I'd finally feel gladness and not pain, gladness for the memories of our friendship, of what we used to have.

I know it won't be easy. It will be painful. It won't be fast. The road to recovery will be long, painful. But time heals. I believe that it does. Time lets you forget.

But time heals. I believe that it does. Time lets you forget.

One day, the love that I feel now will be nothing more than the love for a friend. From where it started and where it should have stayed. It's still a long way ahead. But for now, I'll let my tears fall. I'll let the sadness consume me when I see you and even at the mere thought of you.

Little by little, I have hope that the pain will lessen. The strings that keep on snapping everytime my heart aches will learn to hold themselves together. Piece by piece, I'll try to find the missing piece of my heart again.

That time will come too. And when it does, I won't be sorry for falling for you anymore. I won't regret loving you anymore. I'll wait for that day, that one day when you'll be nothing more than just a friend again. 

- Jassyntha